Reinventing Yourself

If you're recently single, you're probably doing a lot of things you didn't do while you were in your relationship. In some instances, maybe your diet has changed, your friends are acting differently, or in the most extreme case, your outlook on life is different. In any regard, these are the stages where you get to be more extroverted, try new things, and ultimately find out what makes you happy again. Reinventing yourself is a trial and error process, but a process that can be rewarding nonetheless. There are three key aspects of reinventing yourself and all of them are as important as the others. Health and healing, adapting to the single life, and finding yourself are the three ingredients to reinventing yourself and finding that happiness once again.

Health and healing

Depending on your current physical condition, metabolism, and habits, you may lose or gain weight during the first few months of your new life. This can be very discouraging since you are already going through enough emotional and physical distress. But stay confident! Since you are now cooking for yourself and for your kids (either full time or occasionally), you can be more selective of your meals and eat what you want, when you want. Search online for some quick and easy recipes. You can cook gourmet meals occasionally and surprise your kids and maybe even yourself.

You'll also need to make time for exercise. If you're one of those dads who hardly gets off the couch, let alone exercises, then it's time to make a change. Exercising will change your life mentally, emotionally, and physically. You'll become more confident and set a great example for your kids. Believe it or not, doing pushups, situps, and pullups will sculpt your upper body. You can also try squatting and doing lunges for your lower body. These exercises are perfect if you don't have the time or money for a gym membership. Add in a daily walk, run, or swim, and you'll be looking sharp in no time.

While you can make immediate changes to your health, healing requires much more time. Grieving is a lengthy process that can fester into depression if carried on long enough. You'll need time to figure out your emotions and deal with them accordingly. Never bury them within you by staying quiet. Find someone to talk to, whether it's with friends, family, or a professional. Talking about your feelings and situation will not only make you feel relief, but you may get some great advice. Another fallback that can be detrimental is trying to numb the pain. Drugs and alcohol only provide temporary relief and may lead to more problems than you want. If you feel the urge for substance abuse, seek help immediately and get yourself on the right track.

While all of us have a different timeline and process for healing, we all will experience the same ups and downs. It is important to remember that this is a normal process of healing. As time passes, and with your changed outlook on health and healing, you will find yourself noticeably happier and healthier.

Adapting to the Single Life

If your relationship was anything like mine, you spent just about every free moment with your significant other. And when you weren't together, you were either calling or texting them until you were with them again. Now that you're single, you have a different agenda. You must be self-reliant. This requires making decisions you never made before. What's for dinner? Who's getting the kids ready for school? How do you braid your daughter's hair? Yes, it's all new territory and completely different than your teenage or college days. Getting used to being single again takes time. So to make it easier, here are a few ideas to speed along the process.

• Create a schedule: Now that you don't have your worse-half to rely on, it's time to figure out how to do everything by yourself. The only way to accomplish this is to schedule it. Get a monthly calendar and write out the schedule. What days do you have the kids? What time and where do you pick them up or drop them off? Where can you fit in time for their extracurricular activities? Where can you fit in time for yourself? All of this should go on your calendar so you can keep track of what needs to be done until you get used to it.

• Network: It seems like being a single parent is cool nowadays. This is a plus for you, since you can meet a lot of other single moms and dads, both new and seasoned. They can offer you advice, peace of mind, or even introduce you to a new group of friends. Being around others who are in the same situation as you is very relieving and provides a sense of security knowing that you're not alone. There are a lot of websites and local gatherings that will help you find other single parents. Explore your resources and start introducing yourself.

• Find your man cave: Every man needs a place to go when he needs to get away from life's struggles. It doesn't necessarily have to be a room in your house, although I'm sure this would be ideal. Who wouldn't want a sports/video game room with a massive TV, leather chair, and cigars? I digress. More importantly, you'll need to find a place that you can reset yourself. This could be a chair on the patio, a spot at the beach, or a hole-in-the-wall restaurant. Whatever or wherever it is, find it. You need it. Trust me.

Finding You

Now that you're on the path to health and healing, it's time to discover the new you. Many people give up interests and hobbies when they enter a relationship. Now that you're single, it's time to tap into that adventurous side. Even better, this journey will speed along your healing process. Not sure where to start? Here are a few ideas that I've tried. Some were successful and some failed. Either way, the journey is worth it and you'll meet new people along the way.

• Step out of your comfort zone: Do something different. Coed sport leagues. Join a hiking group in your area. Take up dancing. You can usually find discounted deals on sites like Groupon that will introduce you to new ideas without breaking the bank. I took up ballroom dancing and line dancing. In the past, I never would have thought twice about dance. But in doing so, I have met new people, learned something that may be useful down the road, and have had a lot of fun (...And a few awkward situations. But always good as a funny story!).

• Go to a bar: And I don't mean to waste away in sorrow and pity. Go to a bar where a big game will be showing. Join in the comaraderie of sports enthusiasts. No more fist-pumping quietly on your couch. Get out, get up, and celebrate goals, runs, and touchdowns with the same passion as English hooligans, without the violence of course.

• Learn something new: You don't have to go to school to learn. There are many outlets for education. You can find free classes in your community, sign up for something at a local business, or even teach yourself by using the internet. Regardless of your method, you'll discover a passion for something that can be recreational or even make you money. After all, this blog you're reading is something I taught myself how to do through online research.

• Visit the great outdoors: The world is a beautiful place. Explore it. Dedicate every other weekend to discovering something new for yourself or with your kids. Take a day and visit a local national park. Go camping. Go fishing. Go hiking. Go somewhere. You can visit the U.S. National Park Service's website for places nearby.

• Get more involved with your kids: When you're in a relationship, you have to find a balance between time spent with your significant other, with your friends, and with your kids. Now that one of those links is missing, you can dedicate more time to those who need it: your children. Take them out. Let them explore. Teach them something new. Seeing your kids having a great time will ensure you're having a great time as well.